Highs and Lows

I'm going to start with the Low because that's what I'm feeling now. I just had to confront the lady who has been cleaning for us about stealing. I keep some cash in my drawer in a basket - I've done it since I got here - didn't think much about it. I keep it there because I don't want to carry much on me when I go out. I suspected that she may be going into my drawer awhile back when I noticed that some papers in the drawer were moved - but I didn't want to believe that this lady - this really nice lady from church - who had a child in our preschool - who seemed so genuine and nice would steal from me. Before I left for the US for Christmas, I had withdrawn quite a bit of cash to have at Youth Summer Camp in case there was an emergency. I left 400 Rand in my drawer when I left for home because I hadn't needed it during camp. When I returned, there was only R200. I asked Carmen if she had needed it and she said no - didn't know anything about it. I wasn't absolutely positive there had been R400 - I thought maybe I had forgotten during the month at home and maybe it really was only R200. The nagging thoughts were there. This lady had cleaned my room the day I left for home - she was there when I left.

Last week I decided to lay a trap - to put a certain amount of money in the basket - write down how much it was (because I was afraid I would forget and I wanted to be certain). I put 5 twenties in the basket - I checked it mid day after she had cleaned my room and all 5 were there - I was happy - maybe I had been wrong to suspect. I had to go out, so I left the 5 twenties there - when I returned that evening after she had left, I discovered there were only 4. Oh no, did she really steal from me??? I mentioned it to Carmen - she said that this lady had asked her for R20 for transport that day and she gave it to her - so why did she steal my twenty?? Because it was easy???

I have to tell you that I still wasn't convinced enough to confront her. I was afraid that when I checked the money at mid day, that perhaps I had removed a twenty - maybe she didn't really steal. I know, I know, I think I was in denial - just didn't want to believe this was happening!

So today, I set the trap again. I left a few 10's a few 20's and a couple of 50's - wrote down exactly what was there - checked it several times last night and didn't touch it today until late. She was still here ironing when I got back from a meeting - I closed my door and checked the basket - counted out the money - checked the paper I had written the amounts on - rechecked it several times - my heart was heavy, there was R30 missing. I got on my knees to ask God to help me with the confrontation. I had prayed earlier today for God to make it clear that she was stealing - I didn't want to accuse an innocent person. It was clear. I had to confront her.

It was with a heavy heart that I sat her down and told her that I knew there was money missing. At first she seemed to deny, but then she just kept saying, "Sorry Mam" over and over. She did admit to the other amounts too - I don't know if there is more - but the total that I do know about, was R250. I told her that I didn't hate her, I don't. I told her that I was sad for her, that my heart was heavy - that is true. I am devastated that someone from church - someone I served communion to yesterday would steal from me. I will pray for her - will ask God to teach her the right ways - that she will learn from this - that she won't do it to someone else. She won't be working for us anymore - we can't trust her. Now, there is another unemployed mom out there - unemployed by her own choice - because she is a thief.

After writing all of the above and replaying the confrontation in my mind, I realized that I never asked her for the R30 back that she took today - just didn't think about it at the time. And you know, wouldn't she have wanted to give it back if she really was sorry??? hmmmm...

Okay, now the High - gotta end on a good note, right? Since coming back to SA, I've been kind of out of sorts. Its probably because of leaving home, getting back to the old routine, knowing that I'll be leaving in about 6 months, all those things. But it was also because I really didn't spend a lot of time with the Lord while I was at home. Sure, I went to church a bunch of times, prayed some, even read my Bible some - but I didn't really spend good intentional time in God's presence - I didn't dwell with him - I was out of my regular quiet time routine. I can tell you, it really made a difference in my attitude, my feelings about myself, my surroundings, others, etc.

So, last Saturday evening- I was alone here at the flat - I sat outside on the balcony in the cool late afternoon/early evening. I started reading the Beth Moore book "A Heart Like His" - I read scripture - I listened to music - I prayed - I gazed at the sky - I was silent - I felt the presence of God - it was the best feeling I've had in a long time. I felt like I could almost see Jesus - my heart was full - my emotions were running - it was a bit overwhelming. I am so thankful to Jesus for coming to me - for the presence of the Holy Spirit that evening. I needed it - I needed to reconnect with my Lord - I needed to focus on Him and not on me or anything else.

I know that living in God's presence is best - it is how I survive - it is how I thrive. Each day, I know I must dwell intentionally in God's presence - putting aside all else for a time for just me and my Lord. Preparing continually to deal with the Lows and to look forward to the Highs.